you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize