So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I want is dick and wine.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
