dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
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This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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