like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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