haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
