he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
