he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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