So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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