Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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