The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
