my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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