I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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