Cold hands, warm shart.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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