I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
