i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
