TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
