that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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