you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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