i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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