oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
