I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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