i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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