Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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