omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
