This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
