Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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