I got chris browned last night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
