peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
