Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
