for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize