Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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