A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
there is glitter all over my balls
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
