I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
