I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
