for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
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i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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