no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
