and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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