Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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