We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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