pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
