I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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