Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
