UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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