my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
