I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
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Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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