If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
