I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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