Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
