you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
