I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
