This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
