the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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