I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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