you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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