I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
