this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
