forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
