youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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