Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
