ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
