I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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