so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
