she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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