I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
