Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
