My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
