do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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