Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
