The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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