Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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