Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
