There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
