apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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