Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
