Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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