my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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